Ok- so my Title really doesn't have much to do with what I'm thinking about it. It does have to do with relatives, but you can basically ignore the rest; unless when I'm finished typing this... and you're finished reading, you feel that the title fits, then don't ignore it and thank me for allowing you to bask in my creative genius. :)
I was thinking today about a social expectation. I have a feeling that the pressure of this expectation is greater or smaller based on the family and the individuals involved. I was thinking about that special time after you get married; that special time when you officially have two parents. Your own and your in-laws and you now get to call your in-laws, Mom and Dad.
I've heard storied about girls.... or boys that have gotten married and their Mother-in-law or father-in-law demand right away that you call them Mom or Dad. No 'ifs','ands' or 'buts' about it. I don't think this is very fair, but I'm not here to talk about this type of person, because I have no experience in this department. Ok- actually I do have one thing to say. If I felt forced, I think I'd resent that. But I'll never know. My in-laws haven't given me any inkling of pressure. Aaaand back on track now...
So, now that its been over three years since I sealed the deal; why is it so hard for me to call my in-laws, Mom and Dad?
I thought at first it was because by my standard they had to earn that title and at first they hadn't because I didn't even really know them. They had obviously earned it with their own children, because.... well.... they were their kids' parents, and good ones at that. You can be a parent and a crummy one, which is where I don't think you deserve to be called Mom or Dad.
At first I didn't call my in-laws Mom and Dad because they hadn't quite gathered that title in my mind, but now after three years- heck even after one or two!- they have by far collected that title. I guess I just need to work up the courage and just say it, because its really not that scary of a thing to say. Especially if they deserve it. Especially if they are technically my parents!
Geez Jen get a hold of yourself and just do it! Can I use that phrase?- I'm not stealing it from Nike. I swear!
Does anyone else married have this problem?
Happy New Year!
8 years ago
8 comments:
So, here's the advice my mom gave me. If you don't start at the beginning(calling them mom and dad)- it only gets harder and more awkward. but since, obviously, turning back time isn't an option, I think just starting is the best. Once you start, it'll become less and less awkward or weird.(if that's what you feel.) and I personally believe they deserve the title(at least in my case). I mean, without them my hubby wouldn't be the person he is, or hold the values he does, or had the role models to treat me so well. The day I met my "in-laws" I was treated like family. I wouldn't trade Mom and Dad C for anything. :)
Bryan and I were talking about this same exact subject recently. I decided when I got married to also call my in-laws Mom and Dad. What's hard is once we call them mom and dad, we feel like we should have that mother, daughter relationship like we do with our own moms. A lot of the time, it takes time (and even tons of time) to have a strong bond between the mom and daughter-in-law.
ANyways, hope this makes sense but I defintely don't think it's wierd that you don't call them that.....I know tons of people do just that.
How does McKay feel about it? Does he call your parents mom and dad?
I never even thought about the motherinlaw/daughter relationship that way but it's true. I always try to call Mom C and chat with her like I would my own Mom. We usually can, but I couldn't find things to talk with her about everyday. I'm sure it'll come, it's just hard because it takes a while, and we(or at least I) think it should be instant.I'm glad I'm not the only one. and by my first comment, I don't think it's weird that you don't call them that. :) hope that's not how it came across.
I call my in-laws by their first names. I just wouldn't feel comfortable calling them Mom and Dad. They're fine being called either. My sister-in-law avoids calling them either so that it's not weird (I wonder how long she'll be able to pull that off!).
My sister never intended to call her in-laws Mom and Dad, but one time she accidentally did and now she can never go back! Haha.
This is an interesting subject that I think almost everyone will experience. Can I borrow it for a "question" post on my blog?
I never thought of it that way De, with the getting more awkward as time passes AND that because of them I have my husband!
Mere- McKay doesn't call my parents Mom and Dad either. Maybe that's why I don't call his parents Mom and Dad. But yeah, I don't think he minds either way.
And Nikki- sure you can use this as a question. I don't mind at all! I think I'm in the same boat as your sister. haha. I try to call them Mom and Dad, but can't and then feel disrespectful calling them by their name, so I don't call them anything. And I'm pretty sure not calling them anything at all is just as rude. Ohhhh! Such a silly conflict I have in my head!
I asked my husband when we got married if I should call them Mom and Dad. He then asked them what they wanted, and I asked my parents. Both of our parents said they really don't care. Neither one of us has done it, because neither one of us has felt a particularly strong parent-child bond yet. I kinda want to, because I love that family feeling, but I'm too chicken to do it, especially because my husband probably never will.
Ah, the age-old "what to call the in-laws" debate! I started out calling my in-laws mom and dad from the get-go, although I could have called them Grandma and Grandpa :) Sometimes I still call them by their first names, just depends on how I'm feeling. Also, I think I expected an instant mother-daughter relationship. Boy, was I wrong! That will take years, but I guess it has with my own mother as well. Good luck!! Whatever you decide I know they'll be cool with :)
You can just call me Grandma.... makes me pretty happy!!
Even after 25 years of marriage sometimes I call my in-laws by their first names and sometimes I call them mom and dad. Seriously, unless the in-laws are crazy people they won't care either way.
LOve your blog
MOM... grandma..... Sheri.... hey you!!
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