Had a bad day.

I'm sitting in bed tonight feeling pretty sorry for myself. The lyrics "Do you have the time, to listen to me whine...." keep playing across my mind. I know that my blog and many others' that I read always sound so CHIPPER and WONDERFUL and BLESSED and FULL of LIFE.... well... in case you were all wondering. My life is not always all of those things. I have bad days, they're just more embarrassing to write about and something I don't want to remember. But unfortunately for you and my terrible mood and my terrible desire to write, you have me here, asking, "Do you have the time, to listen to me whine..."

Today I felt particularly frustrated with my kids. Having one child is easy. If you had asked me this while I had one child I would have argued with you that its hard. But now I have been shown the light ... having one child is easy. They don't fight with themselves. They don't bite themselves. They don't steal toys from themselves and they don't fight for your attention, because they already have it all. Unless you're of course married to WoW or some other pointless time consuming activity.

Two kids is HARD. There's no way I want three children until I can figure out how to mentally handle the two I have! They are so annoying! I can't leave Ayden and Ethan in the same room for more than five minutes without hearing Ethan scream in protest as Ayden steals his drink, his toy, or his blanket. Or because Ayden just decides to kick him over, gouge his eyes out with his fingers or torture him in some other form. But oh no- ETHAN likes to stir it up sometimes too. He'll sit on Ayden. He'll run at Ayden hands flying until he hits him. He'll scream for no reason just to get Ayden in trouble. It makes me so angry. I can't leave a room to pee without problems happening.

Do you know how imprisoning that feels?

I can't watch my favorite TV show because as soon as I sit down, Ethan's censor goes off and he comes running at me crying because I've sat down and no longer have the potential or desire to give him my undivided attention.

If I want to take a nap, I might as well drug myself and let the kids have at it. I cannot get Ayden to go to bed at the same time as Ethan. I can barely get Ayden to even take a nap any longer at all for that matter!

If I wasn't so scattered-brained trying to take care of the both of them, I'd be counting down the days until Ayden goes to pre-school and I can go back to a few hours of only having ONE child at home.

I love parenting.... or at least I think I do. I'm grumpy right now. So I don't really love much of anything. There's just days when I'd like to go get my nails done just because. Or days where I could go shopping or take a nap or go camping without having to plan around them.

Some days I really hate being a parent. Or maybe its some moments I really hate being a parent. It takes a special level of sacrifice for ones' freedom to have a child. It takes a special level of maturity and I don't think I have reached that level quite yet.