How to Catch a Leprechaun

This year for St. Patrick's Day, we set a trap in the hopes of catching a Leprechaun!

We put some gold on a green plate to lure him into our trap! But he was too sneaky for us and escaped!

He left a trail through our house. It looks like one of his pockets has a hole in it. He's dropped gold all over our floor!

Jumped all over our couches and forgot to take his balloons with him!

He even turned our drinks green.

And left us a nice treat to find.

A couple of treats actually. We really like leprechauns around here. They can be so much fun! I know you wish one came to your house! You must not have set the right trap. They like chocolate gold. That is the key.

Who Gave You the Right

I have learned a few things about myself during my 23 years of life on this earth. One of which is my inability to watch movies based on historical events. Really really bad events. Especially WWII. Even if the movie is fiction, it still breaks my heart and tears up my insides.

I just watched a movie called Charlotte Grey. (I seem to be moved greatly by many movies I watch.) It's about a woman who, during WWII, decides to join the resistance in France so she can find her lover who was shot down. *spoiler alert* During her journey she bombs trains, loses six friends in a massacre and-the part that hurts me the most- she loses two little boys, who she has grown to love, to the Nazi's because they're Jewish. I'm especially sensitive since.... well, I have two little boys of my own.

There is a part in the movie after the little boys have been taken away where Charlotte is in despair and a one of the men she knows comes to her and says this: *or something close to this*

"Why are you trying to die? You do not get to stop living, because their fate is to die. You did everything you could. You do not choose who gets to live and who gets to die." 

I am wondering, who the hell gave the Nazi's the idea that they had that right? How much of your soul do you have to sell to the devil to allow little children to die because of something they cannot help. Do you know what my greatest fear is? That our awful, terrible, crippled and idiotic human race has not learned it's lesson. How many innocent people have to suffer because of wicked and corrupt people? How many more times are sick and twisted men going to come into power and destroy delicate lives? How many more children are going to be robbed a a childhood, either from death or from living in a world of constant fear. How many more times are good people going to stand by and do nothing because it's easier? I know that I will not stand by if something like this comes to my front door. I will fight against the real monsters in this world, especially the one's who hide behind politics and religion. 

I wonder what happens to the souls who thought they had the right to decide who gets to live and who gets to die based off their religion or race. I am not perfect and in my imperfect state, I take pleasure in knowing that cruel and evil men will get theirs too. 

All of those children, mothers, fathers and grandparents who were killed were at least freed from their pain and fear. I know they get to see their Heavenly Father and they get to be embraced in his arms, safe. Safe from pain, hurt, and fear. I know that every person robbed of their life here is welcomed by a loving Heavenly Father and brother, Jesus Christ. This knowledge, comforts my aching soul and keeps me smiling and loving my life. This knowledge calms me down after I watch a movie that manipulates my emotions so severely that I have to write about it, through tears, stuffy nose, and a headache from so much crying. 

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad.

I feel that it is only appropriate to tell you about the good in my life after you have gotten to read all about the not so good in my last post. So tonight at midnight, because I cannot fall asleep after eating 3 rolls and a handful of candy, I am going to share with you, in pictures, the good in my life and not all of the typical good you get from most people. You know like, God, husband, children and family in general. No. I am going to share this:

Bubbles

Green Fields

Sunny Skies

Cloud Gazing

My warm cozy bed

The art of masters and my own skill.

My popcorn!

And cucumbers.

A good laugh.

My nice legs. I look slamming in high heels. And no those aren't my legs, I'm actually not conceited enough to take a picture of my own legs and post them on here.

And wildflowers. Because I get to plant some soon. Just look how beautiful they are.

My life is good, my life is bad. It sometimes feels like the bad shows up more than I want it to, but I am learning how to push it back and away. It is so much easier to be happy than to be sad all the time. I have faith that someday things will fall into place in my life. I am lucky enough now to have a few things that have finally fallen into place, now I'm just waiting for those milestones to get there. :) I hope that some of you can draw comfort from my imperfections and sometimes temporary overwhelming obstacles. I hope this can make you feel like it is alright to feel sad for things, alone some days, overwhelmed by small things, uninspired, angry at life, or angry just for the sake of being angry. It's ok to feel. Just don't let the blue feelings take over the other feelings. Yesterday I was blue, but today I am red, yellow, and orange! I am ok with where my life is, I am ok with my kids, my home, my decorations and my personality. Today I am glad to be me. Hopefully I can hold that thought close to my heart and keep reminding myself that I am glad to be me, because I have a lot to offer to myself. 

The Bottom of the Roller Coaster

Life is kind of sucking it up right now. I could have put that more eloquently, but I think I deserve a pass just for using the word eloquent. You know when people tell you that life is like a roller coaster. By the way, I think it's annoying when people say things like that. Life is like blah blah blah. . . yeah, you could almost use ANYTHING to compare life to. Life is like a knife; it's useful, it's hurtful, it's sharp, dull, scary, and pretty. See. . . ANYTHING! But, I'm still calling my life right now, like a roller coaster. Specifically a bottoming out portion of a roller-coaster.... on a rainy day.... with a nasty wind chill... and a sick person sitting next to you.

I mean look at the list of things I feel like I have working against me! Either by no fault of my own, or in most of these cases, by me putting them there:

• M and I both don't have jobs right now.
• We can't seem to find ANY jobs ANYWHERE.
• We can't apply for loans or grants because of a certain status McKay needs to achieve, so we have to pay for school one class at a time.
• He's no where near graduating. . . sooo depressing.
• And neither am I. 
• I still have no friends. (That's my own personal pity party and my own fault for being a recluse)
• We can't really afford where we live, but we're still living here.
• Our tempers are shorter than a human tail.  *In case you were confused.... humans don't have tails, I know, big shocker! :)*
• M and I can't seem to get along right now. Marriage is hard people. So don't go and believe people that are all lovey to each other all the time. They're either newly weds, lying, or way too submissive for their own good. (This might be because of the job thing. We're both edgy.)
• A and E are being pills. A has taken to lying and E has decided it is no longer worth it for him to listen to us, unless we're REALLY loud. 
• I'm doubting my parenting skills. When they fight, my first instinct is to yell back and then dropkick one of them into their room. I'm really frustrated that I just can't seem to get it. I really don't like playing with them because I don't like wrestling and that's all we do together. They don't get hurt, I do. And we can't afford to go and buy crafty things to make because life sucks. 
• I'm also coming to realize that I am an annoying person. I don't like to be sociable if I don't have to. I saw 7 people at the grocery store tonight that go to my church, and instead of just saying hi, I look the other way like I didn't see them there. Or at the checkout stand, I just stare off into space or at the ground. I would really like it if I liked to say hi to people.
• We have to get rid of our dog because we can't afford to keep her, but I don't have the heart to take her to the pound where she could be put down. So she stays, and unknowingly sucks money from us that we don't have.

SooooOOoo.... my life is bottomed out right now. If this were one of my drawings, I would throw it out and start over again. Maybe this gloomy weather and small, uninhabitable house are making me crazy, but I really feel like I have my tire so far stuck in the mud that I'm never going to get out of it. I really feel like this is just the way life is going to be. A flatline. A dud. A pile of broken dreams and hopes shattered by a cruel world. (melodrama!) I just need something to turn this frown, upside-down. 

I'll just go back to watching Grey's Anatomy and crocheting a hat. It's the perfect way to just forget.

Blood in the Urine

So, I don't really want to talk about what is going on with me usually because my children are already SO interesting. But I know I'd be sad if I didn't talk about my experience today. About 3 weeks ago I went to the doctor to have a regular physical, and as you all know, that's a sucky experience in itself. But for me, it was a little different. The doctor told me I had excess blood in my urine. This was news to me! I've been peeing fine recently thank you and did not see ANY blood. He said it could be a number of things and to come in for another UA (urinalysis) to see if the bleeding was gone. 10 days later I came in again.... aaand there was still excess blood in my urine (hematuria). They scheduled me to see a urologist and after another week I went to my pee doctor. Peed in a cup again and was told yet again I had hematuria. He ordered a CT.

And I had a date with this guy.

After lots of paperwork, waiting/napping in the waiting room, I was finally called back. They made me dress in this crap.

oooh good times. I mean who doesn't love walking around a hospital with no bra on and an open back gown. 

They brought me into the room. Had me lie down and then just told me to listen to the machine. They put this really warm blanket on me and I have to admit it was rather nice. I was pulled through the CT about 3 times as it told me to "breath in" and "hold your breath". Inside the donut you can see dark band in the photo. Inside there they have something that spins around. It makes you feel like you're in a dryer, either that or you're going to be transported to the dinosaur era in nothing but some hospital garb and no bra!

The first round of this was to check for kidney stones. I had none that were apparent. She told me that meant I get to have the contrast dye injected into my veins to look at my organs.

This is the best most basic picture I could find. 

She started me on a IV and then told me she would pump the first half into my arm and then after 10 minutes she'd pump the 2nd half so that my entire insides would be lit up. No- this is not something you can just obviously see. But I could feel it. First I could feel my vein pulsing as the dye was being inserted, then my entire body got really warm. It felt like I had to pee. Very odd. And then came the nasty taste in my mouth that I couldn't really taste for long. For whatever reason, my insertion site hurt like crazy. The catheter inside was causing all sorts of hell. I just dealt with it rather than get another IV inserted. IVs feel like a bee sting to me, except once the bee sting feeling is gone, it feel like the bee has lodged itself under my skin at the IV site. I suck at getting poked with needles.

After the second round with the CT machine I was able to get up, get dressed, and wait for the results. And it was nothing.... they couldn't find anything. All scans were negative. Don't get me wrong! I'm glad for this, but this also means I just went through all that crap for NOTHING. Oh and of course this means I have to have a cystoscopy on Thursday. I'm looking less forward to this than I was for the CT.

What they're basically going to do is feed a little  camera up my urethra. . . ew. So, thank you excessice hematuria- you suck.

My kids at weddings

Sad news. It looks like I've finally filled up my quota of picture space on here. So until I rectify this annoying issue. There won't be pictures. Which hopefully won't last long, because I like pictures! Luckily, what I wanted to share this time didn't have any pictures to go with it anyway.

Aunt C just got married this last Thursday and it was a beautiful wedding. I love going to other couples' weddings and sealings. It reminds me of my own sealing and how special it was. For those of you wondering what a sealing is, it's a bond that as Latter Day Saints, we believe goes beyond this life. We believe that when we are married, that we are sealed to each other for time and all eternity and we get to do this in the temple. Of course, if you have more questions, please find your local LDS missionaries and I know they will love to explain it further to you! LDS.org is also useful for questions!

We had a very long day with the family and loved every minute of it. My kids of course were little studs. Everyone was raving about how cute they were and of course since they're my children, they just ate all the attention up!

After the sealing, the pictures, the little break in between and the luncheon, we finally made it to the reception! A couple things happened here that I won't and don't want to forget:

• As Aunt C and new Uncle J began their first dance of the night as the new married couple, my kids decided to get a bit of attention. E began by dancing along with them at the corner of the dance floor so no one really saw him. He wasn't exactly dancing properly to Beauty and the Beast- he was really breaking it down. As soon as he got tired, he flopped on the ground like a starfish and started to roll himself out closer to Aunt C and Uncle J. By this time people are beginning to notice the 2 year old splayed out on the floor at the happy couples feet. Luckily no one seemed too annoyed except of course Es brother. Are you even surprised? haha. A took his brotherly duties very seriously and went out to retrieve his starfish brother off the floor. A bent down, grabbed Es arm- E didn't move a muscle- and A proceeded to drag his little brother off the floor. I could hear people everywhere laughing at the spectacle my kids were making. Way to ruin the moment guys! You two are just lucky that C and J are good sports and didn't get ticked off at you! I mean, in reality, there's no way you could be mad. It was just too cute!
• Second thing I won't forget was E breaking it down after the slow dances were done and everyone was allowed to dance. He ran his two year old bum out there and started hopping around, throwing his arms everywhere and kicking his feet as fast as he could. The people who actually wanted to dance were so thrilled with their little dance partner that a circle actually formed around him and everyone clapped as he got his groove on! E was so encouraged by this that he maintained his awesomeness for the entire song. A was not to be beat though, he found the circle too and decided to break dance for us. I am not even kidding when I say break dance. He must have seen someone from other wedding busting some moves and he tried to copy them. He was better than me! .... which really isn't saying much.... but still! 

These were the things I won't forget about my kids, I know I also won't forget how beautiful Aunt C looked. There's just something about being a bride that makes you glow and she absolutely had that glow. She was stunning in her wedding dress, she was stunning in her luncheon dress- because I mean seriously, who wants to eat in their wedding dress and chance getting it dirty. Uncle J looked pretty happy too; these two were meant for each other and I don't say things like that lightly. 

It was a beautiful day, full of beautiful happy people, and it was wonderfully perfect! We'll just forget that my feet were crying by the end of the night, because genius here didn't bring flats and had to wear high heels from 9am-9pm. 

p.s. You'll have to forgive me for the crappy writing. It's 1am, I can't sleep and my writing skills are sub par this late or early in the day, whichever way you look at it. Oh yeah- one last thing! I can't forget that I had lots of compliments on how nice I looked too! I love getting compliments since believe it or not, I actually do have a fragile ego. 

It's Going Around

I finally have something to share! Unfortunately it's kind of sad news. A has been sick since last Thursday. We finally took him to the doctor's this morning and found out that both of his ears are infected. That was a shocker since he hasn't been complaining at all about his ear! He has a fever of 100 still. I'm just glad that it's not 103 like it was a few days ago!

There's been a lot of sleeping, crying, cool baths, medicine, pediasure, pedialyte, coughing and loooong nights for everyone.

Pediasure Goatee!

E has felt a bit left out since A has been sick. He's made up for this in extra teasing of his brother who can't defend himself properly.

 E stalking his prey.... a.k.a his sick brother.

Going for the kill!

A was clearly not impressed with this.

 So E and Mommy decided to go out and play for a while so A could rest. We decided to go to Kangaroo Zoo!

First, E had to get his sexy on.

 And then we went to have some fun!

 Jumping!

 Running!

 Yelling at the camera like a celebrity yells at the paparazzi!

 Scaling Mount Everest!

 And sliding down her at rocket speed!

 And then of course, pretending to be a half a caterpillar!

Needless to say, once we got home it was time to sleep. . . Or maybe not. 

Slowing down does not exist yet in Es vocabulary. At least we gave the sick boy some time to rest. Hopefully he'll be better soon. It's not fun to have your kid get sick, especially when they cough in your face and then try to kiss you with slobbery little lips.