Didn't your Mother ever tell you not to judge a book by it's cover?

Sometimes we humans make incorrect judgments. In all honesty, it's really not our fault. There are too many things out there we humans like to hide behind: humor, brains, brawn, shyness or rudeness. We humans, are easy to embarrass; you can be that popular outgoing girl, that brilliantly smart shy boy, that CEO with all the power, the crafty woman or the silly mother; you are easy to embarrass. Disagree? Look inside yourself and really dig deep to see what you're hiding from the world. 


Are you not that funny? and because so, you try not to joke? Are you depressed, but you don't believe in depression so you surround yourself with people to prove you're not feeling blue all the time? Are you tortured by critical parents, but say nothing because when you do talk, the critiquing begins? Are you a bad singer and try to hide it? What are you hiding? Why?


We all have problems, embarrassments and faults. In an ideal world, we would feel comfortable letting people know what is going on in our life, because their shoulders would be just as heavy as ours, if not greater. Whether those issues are big or small, it does not matter. To be honest, I think almost everyone (I say almost, because I don't think my 18 month old or 3 year old have too many deep seeded issues just yet or any secret embarrassments.) has those big issues embedded deep in their hearts as well as the smaller ones floating a bit closer to the surface. If people were just allowed to see those things we try to hide.... or in some cases not try to hide, but just don't mention, then I feel people would be more understanding.

I was lead to think about this today when I went in to take my 3rd chemistry exam and received 70%, if I would have missed 1 more question it would have been 65%, which was my last score. Thoroughly depressed, I cried (because that's what I do with my grades, I cry about them.), then I became angry. Why does a testing center close on the people that are already in there?? what kind of jerk does that to a person?? They could have done better if they had more time and didn't close the doors at 9pm. I felt I could have done better if I didn't have to guess on my last 5 questions.Part of the 5 that I probably missed, I'm sure. After anger, I became discouraged and depressed again. How can I get into nursing school if I can't even pass a *$%^*#!! chemistry exam! It's multiple choice for crap's sake! I at least have a 25% chance of getting the question right and if I use a bit of reasoning I could raise those odds to almost 50% all the time. After running my emotions through the gambit, I stopped to think a bit.

I may have only gotten 70% on my exam, but no one will know why I received that score. That score is not fair to who I am. The exam before, was taken the day after I found out my dad was in the ICU and I was able to pull a 65% out of my scattered brain. And then I went to class with this same soup brain and tried to retain information I needed for my next exam. Which was taken today and only had 1 more right question than my last exam. No one knows that yesterday I studied as much as I could with my kids; and then I went on a walk to the park with my family and played in a little stream with my boys. No one knows that today I studied as much as I could as well. But that I decided that running through the sprinklers with my 18 month seemed like a better use of my time. That part doesn't show up on an exam. Or maybe unfortunately it only shows up in the negative ways.

When I apply to the nursing program and they look back at my grades and see that for my chemistry class that one semester back in 2010 I got a C (don't actually know that, that's just where this semester feels like it's headed.), they won't be impressed.

But I think they should be. I played with my children. I dedicated my hours to my studies when I could, but my family came first. My 18 month old was nice and wet AND laughing hysterically as he was swung through the sprinklers in my arms. My 3 year old got to help throw rocks into a little stream and watch the water dance and I got to watch his eyes widen in fascination with each plop.

My 70% reflects who I am more than anyone knows. Sadly, it often reflects a lack of understand of the course materials-- which in my case, that is partially true, however it seems to also reflect struggling, disinterest, or a blasé attitude toward academics.

Maybe if people just told those little, or big secrets, no misunderstandings would be had. Maybe a nursing school would actually look at that grade and go, "wow, she did all of that and still pulled off a C? We want someone with that kind of dedication in our program." Because that's what I am, dedicated, with a side of two little children.